Let me be on my own please…


“Almost everyone has suggestions for us… as if adolescence is a disease or something… do this and don’t do that. I am responsible and I know the consequences of my action… why can’t I be allowed to be on my own,” mentioned a young girl to me once.    

I would like to put up this comment for discussion in Youth café, inviting perspectives of parents, youth as well as experts.

Parents/guardians are requested to share their perspective on why do they offer their do’s and don’ts prescription to their kids who do not appreciate it always.

Young people are requested to share their views, particularly on the extent and manner in which they would like to receive suggestions of their parents/guardians.  

Opinion of academicians, experts and counselors is requested to add value to this deliberation.    

I would be happy to moderate this discussion and present a summary towards the end. 


4 Responses to Let me be on my own please…

  1. Rituu says:

    Thanks Afsar was raising this critical issue.

    I would like to respond through my own experience. I did not have a turbulent adolescence thanks to my thoughtful parents. I was always given pros and cons of what my action would lead to and then the decision was left to me. I was very good in academics. My parents were doctors and I expected my parents to pressurize me to become a doctor.

    What do you want to be when you grow up?, my dad asked me when I was fourteen years old. Anything but a doctor and I don’t know what it is, I replied. Then we can take you to a career counselor who will guide you, my dad said. I decided what I wanted to do in life. As it was my decision, I worked hard, no one had to tell me to study.

    I never remember my parents nagging me to study, not to watch TV and so on. They were smart, they left it to me:-)

    I think not only with children or teenagers but everyone in life if it is made to understand that he or she is responsible for his or her life, the responsibility will follow. Elders or parents just need to explain what the consequences of such an action will be.

  2. Divya Verma says:

    You must be familiar with this one- “Making the decision to have a child is like deciding forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” – Elizabeth Stone

    I think parents come up with all the dos and donts just to protect their ‘heart’. They also have been through adolescence and know fully well that one life time is not enough to yourself make all the mistakes- you have to learn from the mistakes and experiences of others as well.

    Yes, it happens that at times the way the advise is given by parents puts you off- thats because when it comes to communicating with children, parents sometimes are not very careful or savvy with words. All said and done, its a cyclical process- when we become parents we realize that our parents knew more than us.

  3. Dr Anurag Verma says:

    “Child is not a compressed adult”, he is a completely independent individual. The sooner one realises this and let the child be his own self, bloom on his own,the better it is for all parties concerned.We are there to see them run, fall, learn and play and grow with gay abandon rather than stifle his ,lateral thinking,his dreams and aspirations with our ill conceived regimentation.In our hearts we know that we all take credit for what the youth has achieved on his own and do not hesitate to give more ‘advices’.Are we not trying to realise our own unfulfilled desires and achievements,making guinea pigs out of the children,for our experimentation.We come back to Attitudes once again .Parents should be there for any eventuality as a friend and make the youth feel capable and whole rather than empty blackboards for our uncertain designs.One can control the environment for some time but the thoughts and nature can never be controlled.All achievements and greatness have not come by do’s and dont’s,they come from dreaming and following the rainbow.We are mostly too judgemental.When one has no control over ones’ own destiny at any point of time in life at any age ,it is a pity we take upon ourselves to fashion the destinies of our youth.We can but set an example of self and leave the young one to take it or leave it.Mostly they follow and with dignity.These meanderings are well tried and very personal ,please give it a thought.Let them be,please,I mean the youth.And always reflect on your own past,maybe you will see things in a new light.

  4. Jasim says:

    It’s a normal part of teenagers’ lives to feel a dislike for their parents, and a need to make a certain kind of rebellion towards them. There is a purely technical explanation for this (even though most teenagers tend to deny it, because they dont like the thought that all their actions are controlled by basic instincts): The human is an animal you can say. Part of our survival instincts is to become less dependant on our parents as we grow older, so we can start living our own lives and eventually part from our parents, breed and ensure the survival of humanity. This is the basic instinct of all species. ALL species (without exceptions) are dominated by their instincts which says we must breed in order for our species to survive. It’s pretty logical if you think about it.

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